Our snow angel

The snow was absolutely beautiful and so much fun to play in this week! Zach had a blast. I think he was more excited to wake up for the snow than he was on Christmas morning. He got to play all day. His favorite part was the "snow fights" we had. What else can you throw at another person and not get in trouble for it?? It's so cold that obviously most people are ready for spring. I'm definitely ready for warmer temps. But with each season change comes a whole new set of memories. While I look forward to fun in the sun with Zach, springtime was when Owen was getting bigger and able to sit outside in the walker with us while we ran around. 


It's been really hard for us this week. Mostly because we imagine Owen running around in the snow. Probably trying to eat all of it. Or he may not have even liked it. I may have had to keep him in the warm house while the others played outside. That would have been nice too:) Knowing that this is yet again something we have to experience without him. Moving on with him only in our hearts seems so impossible. And I'm going to be blunt for a moment. It's freezing cold, snow on the ground. I'm trying SO hard to not think about the fact that his precious little body is in the ground at a graveside a few miles away from us. Can you comprehend that? I sure can't. OUR CHILD. I know that I shouldn't think that. His soul is with Jesus. BUT his little body is out there. It's the brutal truth that we have to deal with every second of our lives. All I want more than anything is to hold and squeeze him and warm him up. It's just not fair. Please enjoy every second you have with your kids. When you get frustrated with them, stop and give them a hug. When they make the biggest mess ever, please realize it could be their last one. I had to clean up Owen's toys and put them away in an empty room. He will never touch them again. He was sleeping safely in his crib. His favorite place. How could anything happen while he slept? Our biggest fear was him jumping out of the crib for the first time. Never ever did we think this could happen. I would have never put him in his crib and told him night-night. I would have held him all night long. Everyone tells me how strong I've been. This is just a tiny glimpse of what I really go through. We continue to push forward because Zach deserves a happy, fun-loving childhood and Craig and I strive to be the best mommy and daddy we can be!

Zach has had this plate in his room since before he was born. He noticed it on his dresser and pointed out the little boy angel is Owen. How sweet it is to know Zach has his little guardian angel looking over him every night while he sleeps. And the significance of the plate...I would have never dreamed the boy angel would represent his little brother when I bought it. AND actually look like him. Little reminders are everywhere. I want it to be like that now, 10 years from now, and always...