Christmas without him

It's hard knowing Christmas is right around the corner. Last year, Craig and I had two beautiful little boys to share this special time of year. Now I have one. I would give anything for him to be able to look at a Christmas tree and see the lights. A few days before he passed away, Owen and I went to the mall while Zach was in preschool. I was letting him run around outside of the stroller and he walked up to the Build-A-Bear store. You should have seem him! His eyes were so big and he was staring and pointing through the glass. He was excited. I called my mom on the way home and told her we had to get him one for Christmas. Since I still have the image of him in my mind, so happy and smiling through that window, I've been pretending that's how he would look if he could see all the beautiful lights and hear the sounds of Christmas. So I'm thankful for that moment in the mall. He would have been big enough this year to eat gingerbread cookies (which Zach and I made earlier this week) and he would have been able to open his presents. I just think of kids being so excited this time of year and Owen not even having the chance breaks my heart.
But we have to continue to celebrate the birth of Jesus and the real meaning of Christmas, and I sure can't imagine how wonderful it is to be in Heaven rejoicing during this time of year!