"Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5:4
"In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you." John 14:2
My Dearest Owen,
Today, 6 months ago, you were taken from this world and you gained your angel wings in Heaven. It was the most horrific day of our lives. Daddy and I wanted to walk into your room to grab you up out of your crib and squeeze you and love you and take you to a birthday party. We had no idea anything happened to you, sweet boy. We never imagined life without you. You were OUR baby. We miss you so much. My heart aches for you every second of every minute of every day. You were the happiest, sweetest baby boy we could have ever dreamed of! And you belonged to us!
Your big brother, Zach, misses you and talks about you all the time. A few days ago, I was upset about missing you and Zach told me over and over, "mommy, Owen is ok!" We've had many talks about you being in Heaven now. He knows your OK! It's hard not to be sad. It's hard not to want you here. But we have to accept the fact that God wanted you with Him. We want God's love to shine through us even though this tragedy happened. And as much as we hurt because you're not here, we are so happy to have your memories to carry us through everyday.
Your room is still the same. We haven't moved anything. Your toys are still there. It makes me feel as though you are still here. There's even a little medicine cup you put underneath your crib and a little block you dropped in your toy train. They're still there. I go through your clothes from time to time. Remembering what we did when you wore them. And the sad thing is, there are lots of clothes you never got to wear. Lots of pajamas and shoes and socks. Even your Halloween costume. Mommy had all of your clothes ready for cooler weather, and you never had the chance to wear them.
As I sit at our kitchen table, I always stare out our back window and picture you sitting in your swing on the swing set. The wind blows it from time to time. I can see you running around grabbing the sand and trying to eat it. I remember helping you climb up the steps to the slide because your little chunky legs couldn't quite reach. A while back, Zach and I were in the backyard and the wind was blowing the grass in such a quiet, peaceful way. I immediately thought of you.
You should be here with us. You WERE here with us. For 14 months. I miss everything about you. I miss your laugh. I miss your cry. Sometimes I can be in a store and hear a baby cry, for a split second I think it's you. I miss how the week before you left us, you started roaring like a lion. And how you would do a dance to a song my mom taught you earlier that week. "Dance dance dance dance Indian man." You were stomping your feet so fast! I was laughing and so proud all at the same time. The morning before you passed, I remember singing "Hickory Dickory Dock" and you thought it was so funny! I can see you laying on your changing table, grinning so big and I can see that adorable gap in between your two front teeth. You were starting to become a silly, little boy and growing out of your baby stage. I would give anything to hold you, bunk bunk. I found another quote a while back that I love. "You are my angel, my darling, my star, and my love will find you wherever you are." I feel like that's you, talking to us. Saying, mommy, daddy, Zach, I am with you wherever you go! And you are, sweet Owen. We carry you everywhere we go. Even though it's not on our hip, or Zach isn't pulling you around, we all have you in our hearts. Forever.
So today, as we reach 6 months, I wanted to say things to you I haven't had a chance to. I just want you to know that you have changed SO many peoples lives. I'm proud to call you my son, Owen Walker Caldwell. We all love you and we ALWAYS will. I cannot wait until the day we see you again in Heaven!
Love with all my heart,
Mommy
